Chris is arguably the most-loved Skins character. (I vote for Chris and Naomily. You?) On the surface he’s a fun-loving, pill popping party guy but deep down he’s a sensitive soul. He thinks that dancing is the best thing in the world and he loves fish. (Literally and pun-intended.) And more than anyone, he’s dependent on his friends, especially when he reaches his breaking place in this episode.
Chris wakes up like he does every day, surrounded by his porn, his pills, and his pet fish. Nothing, not even a massive erection, seem out of the ordinary until he discovers an envelope filled with cash and a note from his mom that she’ll be gone a few days. Ominously she tells him to “be good”. She must not know her son all that well.
If your mother leaves you home alone with nothing but approximately $2000 (I converted those pounds so you don’t have to), what would you do? Call the police. Maybe go the grocery store. If you’re Chris Miles, you throw the rager to end all ragers. Everyone is having a blast. Sid gets puked on. Maxxie and Anwar gab about Chris’ 15-hour-long erection like a couple of school girls. Tony retains his title as king of the asshats by semi-insulting Michelle’s boobs. Michelle maintains her title as queen of the self-involved by asking poor Sid what he thinks of her tits. And Chris even shares his knowledge with a kid dressed like Pinocchio.
If you’re Chris Miles, you also invite your psychology teacher. When Angie arrives on the scene, it is crazy awkward. She’s the only teacher there and Chris isn’t hiding his feelings for her. He wants to dance. At first Angie resists but you can only resist Chris for so long. I mean, he only thinks that dancing is the best thing in the world because it makes you healthy in your body and head better too. How can you resist that line, Angie?! Yeah, she caves, they start to dance to “The Wine and Me,” and then… there’s that erection. It scares Angie off. Probably because she realized she shouldn’t give into her feelings for her student.
The morning after Chris is left to take care of the mess. His mum is still MIA, something only Jal catches onto. The duo shares milk and we learn that Jal didn’t win her music competition. I agree with Chris on this one: wankers.
Sid is rehashing his impression of Looney Toons character to Cassie. What was he supposed to tell Michelle about her tits? That they were nice? Yeah, I’m bored. This continues to be an endlessly boring love rectangle with poor Cassie stuck getting Sid’s stiffy in her back.
Anyways, Chris finally realizes that his mom is gone for good. She took everything and he’s run out of money. His electronics are unsellable but at least we get a some funny scenes of Chris and Sid desperately trying to sell anything they can. All they end up with are 20 quid worth of pills. Chris has essentially given up.
Chris wakes up the next morning. What a difference a few days makes. The house, now filled with spray-painted walls and broken bottles, is absolutely disgusting. Chris goes to take a shower where he discovers a squatter taking a nap. Chris has had it. He tries to kick the random dude out but ends up on the streets. And naked. Very naked.
Cassie and Maxxie manage to find Chris some clothes, albeit now he looks five and more dejected than before. (Watch the Unseen Skins that ties into this scene, if you haven’t.) Chris finally reveals that he has a dad, surprising everyone who thought that Chris only had a mum who smiled too much.
Logically Jal accompanies Chris. (Can you picture Sid in this scenario; he could barely handle going to a junkyard.) Jal bulldogs her way into Chris’ dad’s house (yeah, she’s awesome) and we meet his stepmother and baby half-brother. Chris’ backstory finally comes out. His mother is mentally unstable and this isn’t the first time she’s disappeared. His father is distant and carries on with his new family. And Chris’ brother Peter died when he was a kid. (How no one knew that bit of information is beyond me.) The situation becomes too much for Chris, especially when his dad shows no interest in seeing him yet again. You would run away if you were Chris too.
Chris runs to a graveyard where he opens up to Jal. The best day of his life, he tells her, was when his brother Peter took care of him after he wet his pants in school. Chris has never really revealed much about his life to his friends. He’s always been the party guy, for good reason. It hides everything else that happened in his life. After swearing Jal to secrecy, Chris tells her that his mother is still around because she left flowers at Peter’s grave. The episode ends with Angie helping Chris move into the student dormitories. Angie buys him a goldfish and Chris starts his new life.
Odds and Ends from “Chris”
Best Line: “I think that dancing is like the best thing in the world.” – This is how you get your teacher to slow dance with you.
Best Song: Adam and the Ants, “Prince Charming” – played when Chris is going crazy at his party.
Best Group Scene: The final group scene at Sid’s house where they play a rousing game of “Spot of the Nipple and Drink”. Only Anwar is interested and Cassie propositions Sid for a date. Poor girl. Chris looks dejected but cracks a smile when Jal takes a shot. This one scene set subtlety set up enough for next few episodes.
Number of Jal Spottings: Jal is all over this episode. Because, once again, she is the best and most loyal friend imaginable. She’ll gladly get a milk mustache with you and accompany you to your absentee dad’s house. Basically, if you’re life is ending, you want Jal at your side. Exhibit A: Cassie in Episode 5. Exhibit B: Sid in Episode 2. Exhibit C: Everyone else in every other episode.
Most Unnecessary Scene: Tony, Sid and Michelle’s boobs. I get why this scene is here. Once again we see how Tony can get away with insulting Michelle. But Michelle is no better than Tony. For both of them, Sid is someone they can just kick around at all times.
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