Hang up the Phone, Drew Barrymore

I was reading this blog, and it suddenly hit me that I really do not like Drew Barrymore. Most girls my age always are perplexed when I say that I can’t stand this actress who evidently is “funny, talented and so beautiful” (their words, not mine). And, I, being the average American teenage girl, obviously want to be like every other American teenage girl, so I began to question my taste. 

How can I not like Drew Barrymore movies? Is there something wrong with me? I certainly like John Barrymore, Lionel Barrymore and Ethel Barrymore (Grand Hotel, Camille, Dinner at Eight, Midnight, all enjoyable Barrymore classics.) And her godfather is Speilberg and anyone who can breathe likes Speilberg. Then it hit me, Drew Barrymore, who is currently one of the most bankable actresses, is currently one of the absolute worst.

I think she has some talent because frankly as John Barrymore’s granddaughter, Lionel and Ethel Barrymore’s great-neice and being even pseudo-related to Steven Speilberg, you should be talented. Hell, a rock would be talented if it had Drew Barrymore’s blood.

But being born into one the greatest acting families, doesn’t really make her a BARRYMORE. It’s hard to explain. For instance, take the other great acting families, the Coppolas and the Hustons. Their namesakes are true COPPOLAS and HUSTONS. The Coppola’s include Nic Cage, Sophia Coppola, and Francis Ford Coppola (ie The Godfather) , and with the Hustons it is hard to argue against Angelica Huston, Walter Huston, and John Huston, one of the greatest directors ever.

note: if you imdb any Coppola family member you will get confused trying to determinehow one family has soo many talented people in it. Now back to Drew…

Drew Barrymore is an authentic namesake. But she constantly makes crappy movie after crappy movie and occasionally tosses in one of merit every 5 or 10 years. She plays the same one-dimensional characters nearly every time. Ditzy, naive, tough, hard-working and just BLAH.

Maybe that’s why so many girls my age can relate because they relate to Drew Barrymore and wish life could be like those crappy romantic comedies she’s always in plus her movies are in color. (Most people my age believe that there are no reasons for watching black and white movies because b&w movies are old and boring.)

I just don’t like Drew Barrymore, end of story.

The Essential Drew Barrymore Films
E.T. the Exraterrestial (she’s cute and like 3 years-old; honestly if you haven’t seen this movie then you really should drop off the face of the Earth… no I’m just kidding)
Scream (she dies, its fab-U-lous)
Babes in Toyland (usually on TV, so you can leave and pee during the commercials.)
Donnie Darko (kidding aside this is actually an excellent and trippy movie.)
Fever Pitch (just for you Red Sox fans out there.)
Charlies Angels (It’s so bad it’s good.)
50 First Dates, Never Been Kissed, The Wedding Singer, Home Fries (bad romantic comedies are Drew’s forte.)

That is all I have to say.


4 thoughts on “Hang up the Phone, Drew Barrymore”

  1. I hated Charlie’s Angels, and besides ET, that’s the only Drew movie I’ve seen. Speaking of talented families, I love Angelica Huston, especially in The Life Aquatic. I LOVE that movie. And also, I wouldn’t consider you the average teenager, Jo.

  2. John Huston is my favorite Huston. “The African Queen”, “The Maltese Falcon”, “The Treasure of the Sierra Madre” (esp. that one; Bogart will blow you away.) all amazing. Just google his name and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

    And Austin, by not average do you mean weird because I already know you think that I’m crazy… ;)

  3. No, Jo, I don’t mean weird at all. I think you are way above average and a very interesting person, that’s a good thing!

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