Coming soon: Election 2008

It’s Nov. 5, 2008. Just enough time has passed for Oliver Stone to announce his next film project, tentatively titled, Election 2008 or The Longest Eighteen Months Ever. Who knew that Oliver Stone had a funny bone.Fearing the same pre-release hype bashing that W. received, Stone tried to keep the project’s details under wraps. But Stone, who is not known for keeping things quiet, told Ryan Seacrest about the production during an “E! Red Carpet Special.”

Josh Brolin, basking in his newfound fame, agreed to reprise his role as President Bush. Soon enough, everyone who’s anyone on Hollywood’s A-list begged on the project.

Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith eagerly jumped at the opportunity to play Senator Barack and Michelle Obama. Their daughter Willow, hoping to break into showbiz, will play both Malia and Sasha Obama. Hey, if Lindsay Lohan can do it, why not the daughter of film’s most acclaimed action stars?

Senator Joe Biden is portrayed by an actor with grandfatherly charms but who is kind of a loose cannon: Martin Sheen.

Annette Bening, who is still craving her own Academy Award, signed up for the film’s juiciest role: Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton. Think of the monologues! And never one to miss out on a party, John Travolta agreed to play former President Bill Clinton. For real this time.

Richard Dreyfuss wanted to portray a different kind of politician and to not be typecasted based on his previous roles of Senator Bob Rumson (The American President) and Dick Cheney (W.), so he’s playing Senator John McCain. Meanwhile, Nicole Kidman agreed to hold off on the botox for a few months to play his wife, Cindy.

Sandra Bullock, perhaps to get back to her pagentry roots or maybe just her acting roots, signed on as Governor Sarah Palin. And her daughter Bristol? She’ll be played by Jamie-Lynn Spears. Just kidding. Keisha Castle-Hughes, kicking off her big comeback, is playing the governor’s teenage daughter.

And then there are the cameos. Oprah Winfrey, David Letterman, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Tina Fey are all appearing as themselves or maybe they’re the voices of reason. Elisabeth Hasselbeck couldn’t be reached for a comment.

But what this movie needs is a narrator. Because how else are we going to stay interested in a two hour movie about 2008 election? Jim Dale is the perfect choice; his voice adds the perfect amount fantasy to the never ending cycle that is American politics.

Now that the cast is set, all that’s missing is the ending. That’s right folks. The longest election ever isn’t quite over yet. And what’s a Hollywood movie without the happy ending?

Published: October 30, 2008
The Mount Holyoke News

Reprinted with permission

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