Skins (US) Recap: Home alone with nothing but a grand

Chris Collins (played by Jesse Carere) is a fun loving party guy. But when his mom abandons him and leaves him with just $1000, the party just might stop.

What's not to love?

The full recap is after the jump.

Chris wakes up on a Saturday morning surrounded by the comforts of home: his goldfish, pills, and porn. He finds that his mom has gone away for just “a few days” and that she has left him some money. Chris also has an erection that won’t go down, but that’s another issue.

The gang convenes at Chris’ house and question becomes what do with the money. Stanley, ever the wise one, suggests investing it. Abbud, ever the overexcited lapdog, starts throwing the money around, and dances with Tea and Daisy. And Tony, the instigator, eloquently suggests: “Cheer up idiot. You’re home alone and you have an important question to ask yourself. How you going to spend all that money?”

It’s a Skins party! Aka a parent’s worst nightmare rife with drugs, alcohol and sex. Chris is at the center of it.

What can go wrong?

Meanwhile, Tea and Abbud are wondering about that erection. He’s had it for like 13 hours. Just how is he keeping it down? (I love these scenes. Sofia Black D’Elia and Ron Mustafaa have great chemistry. Watch last week’s webisode.) Tony comes in looking for Tea, but she just brushes him off, a huge blow for the egotistical Tony. Stanley is canoodling with some drunk chick and talking about his love for…Michelle. Shocking. Stanley is nothing if not a ladies man. Then there is still the Cadie-and-Stanley-are-boning scenario. No one has caught on that it isn’t true and that Cadie is starting to like Stanley. A lot. Poor girl.

Tina, the social science teacher, shows up. Chris tricked her into coming over and she is livid. He tries to make it up to her by suggesting they dance. Because dancing the best thing in the world, it makes you happy, and sometimes she is sad. He hates that. Chris is just looking for someone to stay and dance with him. Even if it is the teacher who shouldn’t be there. Tina does stay but Chris’ erection gets in the way. She races out despite his protests. (Although “It’s like a third leg,” really wouldn’t convince me to stay either.)

The still boring couple Tony and Michelle, shacking up in Chris’ room for the night, know something is up with Chris’ mom. But they don’t question it any further when Tony tells Michelle that he loves her body because one boob is bigger than the other. Stanley pops in to borrow a shirt and is flabbergasted when Michelle asks him for an opinion on her breasts. “They’re nice,” he barely manages to eek out. Tony thinks Stanley’s reaction is cute but Michelle reminds him that his eyes are supposed to blur too. Stanley spends the rest of the night going on about his response to Cadie. Yawn. I fell asleep typing this.

After the party, Chris is left alone outside his house. Daisy is in the kitchen because she can’t sleep in other people’s houses. They wind up sharing a glass of milk. He admits that he has no clue where his mom is. As he is finally opening up to one of his friends as more than just the pill popping part guy, Chris and Daisy get milk mustaches, a simple reminder that they are still teens.

Pizza arrives and Chris is short 15 bucks. (What kind of pizza costs more than $125?) This is when Chris realizes that his mom took everything. Chris admits to Stanley and Tony that his mom took everything. When Tony actually shows concern and asks if she is gone for good, Chris changes the topic to his erection. It’s gone down. Ah, there is the reason for the never-ending erection. It’s Chris’ cover so he doesn’t have to deal with the real problems in his life.

Chris' mom isn't coming back and he has seven years bad luck to contend with

That pizza guy is still sitting around waiting to be paid. The gang is watching some weird, hyper-sexualized work out infomercial leading to this wonderful conversation:

Tea: So Stanley you and Cadie get into any positions like that?
Stanley: Um, it’s an interesting question. I’d like to say that our lovemaking…
Cadie: Sex.
Stanley: That’s what I meant. Sex.
Cadie: Banging.
Stanley: Right you know, kind of traditional.
Cadie: It was crazy.
Stanley: Crazy in a kind of traditional way.
Cadie: Except when you put me in the pile driver. I thought I was going to pass out. I’d never done anything like that before.

Cadie has it right. If she is going to be used by Tony and Stanley, she might as well have fun with it. Tea knows Cadie is making it all up and eggs on the situation. Britne Oldford and Sofia Black D’Elia steal every scene they are in.

Chris learns that $1000 doesn’t last long when your friends take advantage of your no parent household. And when you waste most of the money on a sound system that ended up trashed at the party. Chris and Stanley try to return the system to no avail. Desperate they go the junkyard and sell only the wheelbarrow in exchange for $20 worth of pills.

Chris parties the night away. He wakes up to finds that his fish are dead, the house is trashed and a homeless guy is sleeping in the bathtub. The two scuffle and the homeless guy locks a naked Chris out of his house. Chris is completely vulnerable now. He has no parents, no money, no house and no clothes. He has been stripped of everything that matters to teens. He has no where to go but to school where someone can help him out.

At school, Tina asks what he is going to do. His friends show up with some clothes for Chris. Tony talks up how everyone at school is talking about the naked kid (Tony’s jealous that he is not the center of attention) and thinks its cool that he doesn’t have parents. The only friend who takes Chris’ issue seriously is Daisy. When Chris mentions his father, she goes with him and together they meet with his stepmother, Mary. She inquires about his mom, revealing that his mom is most likely bipolar. Chris can’t handle being in his father’s nice home with his new wife and infant son. Mary brings out pictures of Chris’ deceased brother, who none of his friends knew about. After several minutes of awkwardness, his father finally appears off screen, couldn’t sound less concerned, and Chris bolts.

Daisy chases after him and they end up in the cemetery by his brother’s headstone. He shares with her a childhood memory about his brother, Peter. Chris is letting one person in above the rest. It is probably for the best. Later when everyone is at Tony’s playing a drinking game how innocent the others are compared to Chris. Between Cadie asking Stanley out on a date and Tea making good on her bet (“Nipples! Everybody drink!”), Chris’ problems have a greater sense of urgency.

Tina eventually gives Chris a place to stay for a few day. She knows she could lose her job over their relationship but the signs are there they will get together. Tina got Chris a goldfish (it’s for luck) and he has been given a fresh start.

What did you think of the episode? This is the episode that the Parents Teacher Council were so concerned about. But what we learned about Chris is that he is someone with a lot of pain. His family is hardly perfect or really been there for him. It is easier for him to be the party guy with a constant erection. He would prefer his friends to know that about him than the truth.

And finally, here is this week’s webisode, “Tarp Car,” featuring Tony, Michelle, Chris and Abbud.

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