Skins (US) Recap: Not as dumb as she looks

This week on Skins, it has arrived: chlamydia. See PTC, this show does have a redeeming message! Don’t be a douchey manslut! When Michelle finds out about this unfortunate – and that it didn’t come from that just as nasty hot tub in her backyard – she has to confront everything she has long denied about her relationship with Tony. He’s a serial cheater (who Tony cheats with is another issue) and doesn’t care about her.

The saga of the popular red head

Lets get into it.

It’s your typical school night for the Skins gang. Partying, drinking, sex. Abbud fails to score (again). Stanley is MIA. And Daisy spots Cadie dancing with a new guy. (Does Stanley know?) This is all insignificant for Michelle; she and Tony just spent a few minutes “catching up”. She too caught up dancing with Betty to notice all the tense glances exchanged between Tea, Tony, and Abbud. Good for Abbud for visibly showing his disgust with Tony. For her part, Tea is trying to make things work with Betty and forget her fling with Tony.

It's like the Bermuda Triangle of teens

Michelle wants to do it again with Tony. He could care less; he just wants to get wrecked with Chris. Daisy and her boobs (when does this girl not flaunt them?) show concern for Michelle. But Michelle, blinded by love, decides to stick with Tony. The next morning, Michelle wakes up next to Tony. Downstairs, her mom (who is totally KC’s mom on Degrassi, by the way) is making out with her latest guy – Jason, Jackson, whatever. Michelle is not amused.

If Michelle's hair could talk: "I can't believe this woman is my mother."

She tries to ask her mom for some relationship advice. But after hearing Michelle’s mom tell her something about giving up on guys once they fart in her bed, I really don’t blame Michelle for her relationship choices or even her clown hair for that matter. Michelle heads to the doctor to get some birth control. It’s an awkward scene; the doctor is yet another clueless adult who keeps mistaking Michelle for her mother.

The day continues to get worse for Michelle during a meeting with River Mountain High’s principal. Not only did her mom forget about the meeting but the principal gives Michelle some tough love about her academic track record. “I guess I’m a disappointment,” Michelle says. “That’s right. You are,” principal ball-buster retorts. The educator finally gives Michelle real advice:  Stop acting like you are stupid just to keep a boy who treats you badly interested. And wear some heels with that skirt to give shape to your calves. Amen sister. It is as if she read my mind.

In the cafeteria, Michelle gets some startling news from her gynecologist. She has chlamydia. Michelle goes crazy and beats the crap out of Tony. “You know the funny thing about seeing something for the first time,” she tells him, “you wonder how it is you never saw it before.” Michelle finally realizes how misguided she has been about Tony. ”

To quote Naomi Clark, Michelle's gone feral.

Everyone walks on eggshells around Michelle. Her friends all knew that Tony was cheating and said nothing to her. They clearly all care about Michelle given how they all reacted when she finally realizes the truth about his royal highness. Daisy tries to be there for Michelle but Michelle doesn’t want to be around her friends who did nothing about Tony. Only Betty, the group’s most peripheral member, tells him off (“You upset everyone, don’t you?”). Stanley tries to make Tony apologize but in typical Stanley fashion he fractures his nose and Tony walks away mostly unscathed.

Back home, Michelle discovers her mom having sex in the hot tub. Her mom, sensing an opportunity to trash men, springs into action. She tells Michelle that she was too overdependent on Tony and to move on. It is hard for Michelle (and, um, everyone else) to take her mother seriously. Then her mother kicks guy of the moment out to prove to Michelle how not dependent she is.

"I'm a relationship guru, Michelle."

Tea comes by. Remember, no one knows about Tea and Tony… yet. For a second, I thought Tea might confess everything to Tony (“I bet whoever it was feels really ashamed”). But instead she tells Michelle to give Tony another chance. Michelle isn’t budging; she tells Tea that she wishes she was more like her. Well Michelle, you have one thing in common.

PSA! PSA! PSA!

In  a weird monologue Michelle reveals the long strained history of the Tony-Michelle-Stanley love triangle. Michelle and Stanley were best friends when they were nine, then Tony moved into the neighborhood and changed everything. Stanley though has moved on from Michelle and is desperately pining after Cadie. He’s got some new competition though.

"Warren, meet Stanley. Stanley, Warren."

At school the following day, Michelle wants to be left alone. The group is divided between the sexes. Chris and Abbud aligned with Tony. (It must be more awkward than normal to be Abbud right now.) Daisy, Tea and Betty sit at a separate table.

Daisy: “Talk to us Chelle!” Tea: “If I just sit here and look constipated no one will think anything is wrong.” Betty: “Lalalala.”

Michelle announces to everyone that Tony has some serious STDs he would love to share. Tony tries to apologize and calls her Nips. Haven’t you learned anything, Tony. Don’t. Call. Michelle. Nips.

She's like seriously ticked off man!

Since Michelle was in the spirit of revealing and discovering things the big Tea also has chlamydia bomb was dropped. (Who carries doxycycline to school? Tea does.) Betty is in denial. Tea wouldn’t sleep with a guy. “Betty. Don’t worry. A girl can’t give it to a girl. You’d have to be trying and I mean really trying.” Now Michelle, I know you’re angry but don’t take it out on Betty.

Michelle seeks out her good buddy Stanny, who has been surprisingly absent while all this mess implodes. What can Stanley do for Michelle right now? For starters, he’s an easy hookup. Stanley is taken by surprise (“Michelle, you’re taking all your clothes off”). But things don’t go very far.

"Well, you see Michelle, I keep this box of tissues handy for my tears."

Stanley  assures Michelle that their friends and especially him do not consider her to be a joke. “Tony’s a dick,” he tells her. Truer words were never spoken. Tea, meanwhile, is waiting for Michelle to make one last apology. Michelle doesn’t care. “Why would I listen to a confused lesbian slut?” (Line of the night.) She tells Tea that she wanted something Tony that was more than sexual and that is why their hook up is so bad. “You just thought I was too stupid to notice,” she says before slamming the door in a crying Tea’s face.

After Michelle hot tubs away her memories of Tony, she asks him to come over so they can talk. In a fairy tale land filled with monotone teens,  Tony and Michelle are the rulers. Conversations between them are so dull it is no wonder Tony thinks that they are so good together. Their talk turns into a hook up session.

 

Don't do it Michelle!

But Michelle is not as stupid as everyone thinks she looks. She isn’t going to be taken advantage of anymore. She kicks Tony out of her bed and out of her house. Their hook up only happened because they are STD compatible. Good for you, Michelle.

Michelle might have stood her ground against Tony and his constant manipulation but their relationship has broken her. Thank god for Betty. Michelle meets her at the Chinatown bus headed for Boston. Betty has been hurt just as much as Michelle in this mess; the relationship she wanted with Tea is ruined. It’e s on the bus that the pretty red head finally breaks down on the shoulder of the one friend she really has.

It's true. Crying on public transportation is awesome because no one will bother you.

There you have it folks. What did you think of Michelle’s episode? Is she really changed and done with Tony? Just how is Daisy going to fix this all next week? Is Stanley ever going to make a move on Cadie? And can Betty please get her own episode one day?

Sound off below.

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