What I Learned From Green Lantern

15 inane thoughts went through my head as I watched Green Lantern.

In an attempt to act our age and go out on a Friday night, my friend Nicole and I went to a screening of Green Lantern. Seeing movies the day they open is not something we normally do and we were a little taken aback by the number of people (guys) there.

Nicole: When did this movie open?
Me: Today.
Nicole: That explains it.

But we made the most of it and I tried my best not to make fun of Serena Van Der Woodsen. Here is what happened as we watched Green Lantern.

1. During Transformers 3 trailer, I said to Nicole: “I’m going to reorganize my wallet.”

2. Serena/Blake Lively is a trained fighter pilot. Her cleavage-baring dresses told me that.

3. Ryan Reynolds is ab-tastic and he really has that grunting thing down. Thanks Buried!

4. Of course Hal Jordan has daddy issues

5. Peter Sarsgaard just morphed into Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oh! Now he’s Stephen Hawking. Wait did he just say, “My precious”? Is he Gollum? I’m so confused.

Peter Sarsgaard is a badass .

6. Is that Peter Sarsgaard’s real hairline? He should play a porn star soon.

7. Based on Angela Bassett’s character, if I am going to be a scientist who works for the government’s secret alien research department, I shouldn’t wear high heels.

8. Parallex is like if Lord Voldemort mated with the alien from Super 8.

9. Is this an episode of Doctor Who? (That one’s for Nicole.)

10. That Geoffrey Rush guy has a future voicing fish people.

11. Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively don’t have screen chemistry. I know this because I took a nap during that scene.

12. These are Taboo’s from the Black Eyed Peas birth parents.

Elrond + Thaal Sinestro = Taboo

13. Hal Jordan, your nephew is a cutie. Where did he go the rest of the movie? The orthodonist?

14. The Muppets spoof trailer is better than this.

15. You know that while Senator Robert Hammond was organizing that alien autopsy, a Congressman from New York was TwitPicing his junk.

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