Remakes of 80s movies are everywhere! Fright Night opens this weekend, which I admit looks like good fun. A new and improved Dirty Dancing is in the works, much to the chagrin of fans (including myself). And, behold! The first two trailers for Footloose have arrived on the scene. Luckily for you, I have analyzed them and I have figured out so much from them. Like the plot! You know, because I haven’t seen the original Footloose every time it is on TNT.
But you case you have never, ever seen Footloose, from the first trailer you get the very important backstory: a couple of drunk kids spent the night dancing away and then were killed by a train. Now everyone in Bomont has to suffer. Enter city kid Ren McCormack. He’s just trouble. The preacher’s daughter Ariel (she’s probably named after the Disney princess to switch it up from the original) wants to get into his pants. And the sinning teens just want to dance.
Here is what I have learned from this trailer:
Onto the second trailer, which is more concrete, flashier, snappier, and filled with more slutty, angsty teens!
In all seriousness, there are many questions I have about the new Footloose. Is Kenny Wormald just a less bicep-y version of Taylor Lautner? Will Ariel’s best friend go on to star in an HBO show about four New York City
harlots women? Can Julianne Hough really act? (After seeing her dance the rumba with her brother on Dancing With the Stars, I actually believe this one.) Should Dennis Quaid play a really creepy guy sometime in the near future?
But most of all, I want to know why 80s movies are so readily being remade right now. Someone please explain it to me.