What I Have Deciphered From The Three Musketeers Trailer

The more times I see the trailer for The Three Musketeers (due out October 21), the more confused I get. There is almost too much ridiculousness happening for my brain to process it. Almost.

This is the trailer in question:

There is a lot happening in this trailer and I find some of – okay all of it – puzzling. Let me break it down for you.

Why do weapons in movies always look like they were borrowed from the BDSM community?
I don't know who any of these actors are.
Oh! It's the boring Mr. Darcy!
Wait. Is this Jonathan Taylor Thomas' big comeback?
Tim Allen?
Christoph Waltz is evil. I'm already sexually attracted to him.
Somebody's in the closet
Like really closeted.
Too bad he can't Google "Hindenburg" and learn why this ship-balloon thingy is a bad idea.
Goldilocks is the female villian. I always knew that she was a bitch.
Deadly females assassins are also Michelangleo paintings.
Too. Many. Potential. Jokes. Brain. Over. Loading.
Seriously. Google Hindenburg disaster.
Women always know where the secret passageways are.
Now I just want to dance a Paso Doble! Ole!

And one last picture for good measure.

CANONBALLLLLL!

That last photo doesn’t actually confuse me; I just wanted an excuse to include that caption.

Anyways, do you plan to see The Three Musketeers later this month? Are you as attracted to Christoph Waltz as I am? Will you see it in 3D or boring 2D?

Sound off below.

Related post: What I Have Deciphered From The Footloose Trailers

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3 thoughts on “What I Have Deciphered From The Three Musketeers Trailer”

  1. I think I probably will go see this, but in 2D. I’m pretty excited about it, hopefully it doesn’t suck. Also I should note that I’m not sexual attracted to Christoph Waltz.

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