Machete Kills: The Sequel I Never Knew I Wanted To See (Thanks Sofia Vergara)

Why, hello fire shooting out of Sofia Vergara’s boobs.

Photo: Movie Web
Photo: Movie Web

When I glanced at this poster this afternoon, I immediately fired off (hah! pun!) easy jokes including:

    • It’s the cone bra Madonna always wanted.
    • Somewhere Katy Perry is jealous.
    • Weapons of mass distraction.
    • The only way to make drone warfare appealing.
    • The boobs. The boobs. The boobs are on fire.

Normally, I make these terrible jokes to emphasize how often characters posters miss the mark and are ineffective marketing tools. (Especially for non-franchise films.) But for every truly awful character poster in existence, one does occasionally stands out. Like this poster for Machete Kills.

Why?

First, the shocking imagery grabs your attention.

Anything shooting out of a woman’s cleavage will always be shocking. This is why pop stars base their entire images on this premise. (See also: breastfeeding.) There is an added level of shock value because bullets are also flying of this woman’s cleavage. This woman, whoever she is, is literally packing heat.

Second, the woman with the fiery, massive cleavage is Sofia Vergara.  

Sofia Vergara is one of the more interesting television stars to emerge in the last five years. She is Hispanic. She has a big personality. She has massive cleavage. Her accent, persona, and breasts are defining components of Vergara’s star image. During every show Vergara appears – Modern Family, SNL, commercials, talk shows, awards shows – her physical attributes become a topic of discussion. Yeah, she’s a talented actress but Vergara is also a sex symbol. She knows it, we know it, and this poster knows it.

Now perhaps you are someone who hates the commodification of Sofia Vergara’s body. Then you probably hate this poster. But if not, then this poster has successful made you invest in a sequel to a movie that you either didn’t see or didn’t know you wanted to see. (Unless you did see Machete. But so far these people are imaginary.)

Personally I vaguely remember hearing about Machete when it was released in 2010 and I know nothing about Machete Kills. But this poster has done what a successful poster should do: it forced me to Google and spend more time analyzing this poster than mocking it.

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