Category: I Was An Asshole When I Was 16

When a Cell Phone Rings

I am now going to share with you a very traumatic experience I had at the movies in September 2004.

My former best friend and I decided to go to the movies on this very fateful day. (It was also traumatic because we saw Vanity Fair, that really crappy movie starring Reese Witherspoon, but that’s a different issue.)

The previews started and when the previews begin, I stop talking. And from that point on, if you talk to me, I will hit you.

Then it happened. Within the first 15 minutes of the movie, my friend’s cell phone rang. It’s not like it was one of those annoying, almost deafening ring tones. No, it just vibrated.

She then got courageous. Knowing very well that I was glaring at her, she ANSWERED her phone. Not before she handed me her jumbo bucket of popcorn to hold so she could execute the crime more easily.

In quite possibly the loudest voice a person can speak in, she told her caller, that she was in a movie and that she would call him back. In only 15 seconds she ruined a movie for me. (As it would turn out, Vanity Fair, was a completely mind numbing, practically nauseating movie to sit through… again that’s another issue.)

By this time I am only slightly furious. But then she had the nerve to ask me what she had missed while she was on the phone. So while handing her back the jumbo bucket of popcorn, I “accidentally” spilled it on her lap.

Needless to say, we are no longer friends.

So there it is, my very traumatic movie experience.

But what to do if you don’t know the yakker? Read this and learn.

That is all for now. Have a good weekend and turn off your cell phone at the movies.

A Little Bit About Kate

I’ve decided that I may be a tad nutty. Here’s why:


This is a picture of Katharine Hepburn.

And after days of staring at that picture, I figured out which of her movies it is from. I even narrowed it down to the specific scene. (Could you figure out a scene of a movie just by looking at a picture of the actor’s face?)

The movie is Woman of the Year (1942) , one of my all-time favorites. The scene is when Sam Craig (Spencer Tracy) follows Hepburn’s character, Tess, down a hallway. No, he’s not stalking her, Sam just wants glimpse of her. She knows that he is behind her so, Tess stops on the staircase and waits. As he turns the corner they walk into each other, and the expression on her face pretty much describes the couples relationship (both on and off screen.)

To me that picture of Katharine Hepburn says, “I know what you’re thinking about me and instead of letting you chase me and waiting around for you to act, I’m going to face you head on.”

Woman of the Year is the first romantic comedy starring the legendary duo of Tracy and Hepburn (nine movies over 25 years.) It is truly a gem of a movie and if you haven’t already experienced its magic, take the time and watch it.

And I guarantee that you will fall in love with the Great Kate, just like I did.

Some Thoughts on the Cecil B DeMille Award

Let me begin by saying that I’m not angry. I’m just a little ticked and mostly curious.

On Wednesday, the 2006 recipiant of the Cecil B. DeMille Award was announced as Sir Anthony Hopkins. (Better than 2005 winner Robin Williams, I think.) Sir Anthony Hopkins is one of the greatest living actors. In The Silence of the Lambs, Amistad, A Bridge Too Far, The Lion in Winter etc., he delivers excellent performances and he rightfully deserves the Cecil B. DeMille Award.

The Cecil B DeMille Award is the lifetime achievement award given annually by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (aka the Golden Globes). Past winners include Walt Disney, Bette Davis, Jimmy Stewart, Alfred Hitchcock, Jack Lemmon, Sophia Loren, Al Pacino, and Audrey Hepburn. The only requirement to receive this honor is “outstanding contributions to the world of entertainment” to an internationally recognized and respected name.

I have nothing against most of the past winners (except Barbara Streisand, who I absolutely abhor). To me it just seems as though certain actors were snubbed and other actors have received the award too early.

My question is simple. Why didn’t Katharine Hepburn or Cary Grant ever receive this award? (I know the reason, if you’re curious. I’m afraid that if I go into it, I’ll never stop complaining.) Barbara Streisand (again YUCK!) has. Meryl Streep has yet to be awarded. Joan Crawford, Charlton Heston, Robert Redford, all have received it. Neither Warren Beatty nor Spencer Tracy nor Grace Kelly nor Gary Cooper nor Clark Gable nor Marlon Brando. Where’s Vivien Leigh, Claudette Colbert, or one of the Barrymores? In 1976, the award wasn’t presented at all.

Robin WIliams Receives the Cecil B DeMille Award in 2005

I realize that my bitterness is kind of pointless. Not everyone who deserves something gets it. I just keep< reminding myself that it is only the Golden Globes and that it’s the Academy Awards that matter. But if Meryl Streep doesn’t receive the Cecil B. DeMille Award soon and Tom Cruise does then I will be so angry that I won’t know what to do with myself.

What is your take on this? Who do you want to see receive the Cecil B. DeMille award? Am I overreacting? Sound off below.

Why I Hate Ted Turner

Okay, so I don’t really HATE Ted Turner because if I really hated him, I wouldn’t be watching Turner Classic Movies right now. There are just some days I remember why Ted Turner can be very irritating. Today was one of those days.

I came home from school this afternoon and I decide to pop in a movie, A Star is Born (1937). I’m expecting pretty much the same movie as the Judy Garland version from 1954 except for one simple difference. I was expecting a black and white film.

But I was shocked, appalled, flabbergasted at what came onto the screen (get your mind out of the gutters people). This film, from 1937, (did I mention that yet) was in COLOR! And it wasn’t just your run of the mill color movie like we have today, but it was COLORIZED! That’s very, very bad and it’s ALL Ted Turner’s fault.

Sometime during the late 1980’s/ early 1990’s (maybe earlier) Ted Turner began purchasing old B&W movies (RKO, MGM productions etc). To make these films more marketable to younger generations, he paid for something to be done to them known as colorization, which is adding color to B&W films. It sounds like a good idea at first but no, it is wrong and almost sacreligous.

There are a few problems with colorization:

1) Most B&W films, are just that, B&W. The costumes and sets were often in gray tones so that they would show up better on screen. Therefore, the guy colorizing each individual object has no clue what color that car is, that man’s shirt and tie is supposed to be etc.

2) Colorization completely changes the feel of the film and destroys it as a work of art. It creates something called false dominance. Meaning the actor’s face is usually completely washed out but on top of their head is really, really BLUE hat. So as a human being and you are most attracted to color and movement, that really blue hat will distract you, so much so that you will end up not paying attention, not caring about the movie, and end up despising Ted Turner (just like I have.)

3) I hate it and Roger Ebert hates it and that should be a good enough reason.

Here are two websites that better explain colorization and the debate surrounding it. If you want extra information on colorization, google “Ted Turner Colorization of Movies.” It’s very interesting.

And that movie I was watching earlier today, the actresses hair was brighter and more dominating than her face. See how that can be annoying?

Hang up the Phone, Drew Barrymore

I was reading this blog, and it suddenly hit me that I really do not like Drew Barrymore. Most girls my age always are perplexed when I say that I can’t stand this actress who evidently is “funny, talented and so beautiful” (their words, not mine). And, I, being the average American teenage girl, obviously want to be like every other American teenage girl, so I began to question my taste. 

How can I not like Drew Barrymore movies? Is there something wrong with me? I certainly like John Barrymore, Lionel Barrymore and Ethel Barrymore (Grand Hotel, Camille, Dinner at Eight, Midnight, all enjoyable Barrymore classics.) And her godfather is Speilberg and anyone who can breathe likes Speilberg. Then it hit me, Drew Barrymore, who is currently one of the most bankable actresses, is currently one of the absolute worst.

I think she has some talent because frankly as John Barrymore’s granddaughter, Lionel and Ethel Barrymore’s great-neice and being even pseudo-related to Steven Speilberg, you should be talented. Hell, a rock would be talented if it had Drew Barrymore’s blood.

But being born into one the greatest acting families, doesn’t really make her a BARRYMORE. It’s hard to explain. For instance, take the other great acting families, the Coppolas and the Hustons. Their namesakes are true COPPOLAS and HUSTONS. The Coppola’s include Nic Cage, Sophia Coppola, and Francis Ford Coppola (ie The Godfather) , and with the Hustons it is hard to argue against Angelica Huston, Walter Huston, and John Huston, one of the greatest directors ever.

note: if you imdb any Coppola family member you will get confused trying to determinehow one family has soo many talented people in it. Now back to Drew…

Drew Barrymore is an authentic namesake. But she constantly makes crappy movie after crappy movie and occasionally tosses in one of merit every 5 or 10 years. She plays the same one-dimensional characters nearly every time. Ditzy, naive, tough, hard-working and just BLAH.

Maybe that’s why so many girls my age can relate because they relate to Drew Barrymore and wish life could be like those crappy romantic comedies she’s always in plus her movies are in color. (Most people my age believe that there are no reasons for watching black and white movies because b&w movies are old and boring.)

I just don’t like Drew Barrymore, end of story.

The Essential Drew Barrymore Films
E.T. the Exraterrestial (she’s cute and like 3 years-old; honestly if you haven’t seen this movie then you really should drop off the face of the Earth… no I’m just kidding)
Scream (she dies, its fab-U-lous)
Babes in Toyland (usually on TV, so you can leave and pee during the commercials.)
Donnie Darko (kidding aside this is actually an excellent and trippy movie.)
Fever Pitch (just for you Red Sox fans out there.)
Charlies Angels (It’s so bad it’s good.)
50 First Dates, Never Been Kissed, The Wedding Singer, Home Fries (bad romantic comedies are Drew’s forte.)

That is all I have to say.