Something happened to me last May. I became obsessed with Jeremy Renner and it took over my life. More times then I should probably admit, I turned into a crazed fangirl. I wasted hours of my life scouring the abyss of the Internet for undiscovered information about Renner. For no logical reason. It was just as inexplicable and ridiculous as my Orlando Bloom obsession circa 2003. Except in 2003, I was 14 and could barely use the Internet.
Around December I accepted that I had a problem. So I started making notes of every strange thing I did as I trolled the Internet. Because the most sensible way to get over your fake relationship with a celebrity is to publicly shame yourself.
So here is what happened. This is exactly like what went down with Odysseus and those Sirens.
Yes, I saw Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters on Friday night. Because. Reasons. Also because it’s January, life is stressful, and Amour will probably depress me until the end of time. (I can’t handle those feelings yet.) Hansel and Gretel was, um, entertaining enough. Besides it’s not like I expected that much. Still I should never let my mind wander during a movie. As you will read, it’s never pretty. Continue reading “Everything I Thought During Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”
Disclaimer: I have no idea why I’m writing this post. Am I suddenly a cultural commentator invested in tabloid journalism? Am I bored? Am I just morbidly curious because an actor I like is at the center of this non-scandal? (Answers: No, yes, and maybe.) Anyways, here it goes. Continue reading “Anatomy Of A Pointless Celebrity Gossip Story”