7:18 – SJP and Broderick. The titanium plate up close. SJP talked about Sex and the City. She claims not to know anything. Lies SJP, lies. Poor Broderick, he’s just an accessory at these things.
7:20 Since we don’t why anyone is actually at the awards unless they are nominated of course, someone like Natalie Portman is listed on an “attendee.” This is fine by me. As long as she’s not singing too.
7:21 – Giuliana Rancic: “I think we have to take a break because I just caught a glimpse of Natalie Portman. I need to reevaluate my life”. Well, Giuliana maybe if you laid off the tanner and worked not being a shitty journalist, you wouldn’t have to do reevaluate your existence.
7:26 – Marisa Tomei! Seacrest to Tomei – “The role you played was a very determined mother.” That’s one way of describing her role as a stripper who is naked for most of the movie.
7:27 – Seacrest is trying to describe what Mickey Rourke is wearing. Based on Ryan’s description, “He is wearing an off-white suit,” he just might not actually be gay.
7:29 – Mickey Rourke is always an interesting interview. Every time he talks about his dogs, I get a little weepy.
7:35 Peter Gabriel just announced that Best Song nominees are going to be performed in medley and that is why he isn’t performing tonight. He felt that wouldn’t do the song justice. I actually respect that because he is the artist afterall, and by asking him to perform a medley with two Bollywood-esque songs is asking him to compromise a lot.
7:38 – I was attempting to do my homework for my film class, when I heard Giuliana Rancic scream. Had Busey attacked Seacrest attacked? No. Brangelina has arrived. AND Angelina is wearing a form-fitting dress. It is still black, but progress is still progress.
7:42 – Ryan Seacrest is interviewing Penelope Cruz. He just said Vicky Cristina Barcelona in a horrible Spanish accent. Cruz’s face is priceless during this exchange.
7:51 – Why I love E! There is always the possibilty of a “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” commercial. Now while Kate Winslet is being interviewed, I am pondering the size of Kim Kardashians ass and whether or not it is shrinking.
7:58 – Brad Pitt is too important to stop and talk to Seacrest.
8:00 – Switching over to ABC Red Carpet… with TIM GUNN!! This is clearly the serious portion of the Red Carpet.
8:03 – Tim Gunn to Amy Adams (I’m paraphrasing here): “You are shrouded completely in black in Doubt and you are competing against
8:03 – Room reaction to SJP – “EW! It’s HORSE FACE!”
8:05 – I love Frank Langella. He is orgasmic. Ellen to me: “How awesome would it be if Javier Bardem presented the award to Frank Langella? What if they got into a mud wrestling fight on stage?” It’s not nice to tease me like that.
8:06 – Tim Gunn meets Brangelina for a… two-second interivew. AND WHAT IS MILEY CYRUS WEARING!!!!!!!!!! She looks like she’s going to a quincieria in fairy land.
8:09 – Tim Gunn and Valentino. Epic. I just learned something about fashion that Jay Manuel could never teach me.
8:10 – Cast of Slumdog Millionaire! Cute little kids from the cast!
8:12 – Something you will only hear at a women’s college Oscar party: “Zac Efron looks like a butch lesbian.” Thank you, Saskia.
8:23 – Sorry. Got sidetracked. Was talking about Skins with Saskia.
8:24 – Some dude is interviewing Jack Black, Jonah Hill and Judd Apatow at the bar. I guess they’re not important enough to be interviewed on the
8:27 – The musical director is talking about the music that will be used tonight. Benny Goodman. Lawrence of Arabia theme. Are they trying to make me orgasm? After I typed this, Fred leans over my shoulder and whispers, “And then Zac Efron will perform.” Way kill the moment Fred.
8:28 – TWO MINUTES!!!!!!!!