A new Expendables movie is like Christmas morning when you open your presents and wonder: “How the hell did you come up with this?” That’s basically what I thought as I watched the trailer for The Expendables 3: This Time With Young People Who Understand TechnologyThe Expendables is a who’s who from every action film and the trailer is, fittingly, a roll call. The familiar faces plus some new additions to the Expendables crew will bring more of the same absurd goodness to the big screen.
This post should probably be titled “Oh right, I have a blog”.
Okay, wow. In the seven years I’ve been writing this blog, I have never completely checked out and stopped updating it before. (At least not without a good reason.) Then August happened and I suddenly had absolutely no desire to post anything. None. Zero. Zilch. I don’t even really want to be blogging right now but I’m forcing myself to because, in theory, someone is reading this. (I’m blogging through my writer’s block right now. Bear with me.) The strange thing is I don’t know what I did last month instead of blogging. I definitely wasted hours on the Internet and I watched some good movies. But I wasn’t invested in writing. Anyways, these things happen and if you have read this far, then you may be interested in the movies I watched last month.
This brings me to The Expendables 2, which hits theaters on August 17. I’m excited. It’s going to great. The latest trailer for The Expendables 2 is a glorious wonder filled with explosions, machine guns, and ridiculous dialogue. (What’s that Sly? A lucky ring? I hope it isn’t like Alaric’s ring on The Vampire Diaries because that wouldn’t be good.) Liam Hemsworth joins the cast, though I don’t know if he adds to anything to movie. But I don’t really care because every other star (Chuck Norris, Jean-Claude Van-Damme, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger) will probably overshadow his presence.
Anyways, I have made a list of 15 (awesome) things about The Expendables 2 we should take away from this latest trailer. Enjoy.
Your Favorite Action Film
I didn’t expect that much from The Expendables except some seriously awesome explosions and an overdose of great action stars.
Okay, I just went for Dolph.
The Expendables is a ridiculously entertaining movie. You can waste your time over-analyzing but for a mid-August release, it served its purpose.
Yes, I saw The Expendables. Yes, it was everything I expected it to be. This is it is completely awesome. Why? Because any opportunity to see an action film that pays tribute to, well, action films in such a cheeky manner is great fun.
1. Star power means everything. In the action film genre, the star makes the movie. The Expendables brings together some of the greatest action stars ever – Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Throw in Jason Statham, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture and this movie is on star power overload.
2. Schwarzenegger’s brief cameo is the equivalent to an old man being lost on his way to the retirement home. Ever since Arnold became the Governator, I find his presence in anything to be completely hilarious. Throw in a Hawaiian shirt and some serious old man pants and Arnold in The Expendables had me busting out laughing.
3. This movie failed the Bechdel Test . By a lot. But on the plus side, Jason Statham can beat up your abusive ex-boyfriend and his stupid friends in just a few seconds. Therefore, the obvious sadism of this film is easier to ignore.
4. Mickey Rourke makes the movie.. In one scene Rourke is describing his experience during the Bosnian War when he let a woman commit suicide. I’ll call it Rourke’s Citizen Kane moment because that is what it was.
5. Dolph Lundgren, I have missed you. Lundgren has not been in a US theatrical release since 1995 (Johnny Mnemonic). And an action movie without him is a terrible thing to waste.